To Share or Not to Share?

Joli has had quite a week getting to know all of her cousins. She has had a great time when she is the only one and can have all of the attention on her. For example, in the grocery store. Never too early for a little practice.
However, many of my cousins had babies around the same time I did. So there is a small crop of children up here that are within a few months of Joli. Now being an only child, she has not had a lot of experience in the world of sharing. If she wants a toy that I have, most of the time it's hers and I'm not going to tell her no. But if she wants something that is mine, she usually doesn't get it (unless it's food). So this leaves me wondering how much guidance is really necessary at her age.
Having worked with children from 6 weeks old to 5 years old, I have learned to be close by and help them learn as much as you can, but be aware that you cannot always be there. The idea being that if I help her to see that it is not okay to take a toy away from someone that is playing with it, she needs to wait until they are done, eventually she will understand this and I won't have to tell her. (Believe me, I am under no pre-illusions that this will happen anytime in the next five years.)

However, while she was playing with her cousin yesterday, I was doing my best not to hover but still being close by in case there was any snatching going on, my grandmother informs me that I should just leave them alone and let them sort it out. Now this is a great plan, but working with mostly children of this age, it does not take very long to learn that their way of sorting it out involves beating each other over the head with the toy and/or practicing using those new teeth they've just acquired. Now we're at a point where letting them sort it out is no longer an option, and we've moved on to lessons in why it's not okay to take a bite out of another person. So while I am all for giving my child a chance to make the right the decision, I just don't think I should be saying, "Go for it sweety, I'm sure I have taught you enough in this past year that you should know what's right and wrong without my help".

What my grandma also doesn't take into consideration, is this is not the first or only child that Joli plays with. If it were just the two of them it would be a little easier to let them figure each other out, and learn to either stand up for themselves or to play with something else. But seeing as they will play together one more time, and then will not see each other for another year or so, why not use this time to give my child some guidance.

It is also not as though this is the first time it has happened either. Joli started this toy snatching thing at Christmas when she was taking her cousin's doll. Since her cousin has the most high pitched scream on the entire west coast, I feared the sanity among the household could not withstand what would happen if I let the doll snatching be ignored. Then she started doing it again a few days ago with her cousin Joseph. They seemed to do okay in the working it out department, so I didn't play too much of a roll. But then when she started taking toys from her 3-month-old cousin, I decided it was time to step in.

So where do we draw the line between work it out, and stepping in? If I'm always there to stop her in her tracks then she will will never learn what's okay and what's not, but if I just let it go then I might as well invest in some ice packs! I know there's a fine line, and as much as I don't want to be the crazy mom who hovers and helps her child wipe her butt until junior high, I also don't want to be the mom that picks up her child from junior high because she got in a fight over someone else's I-Pod.

Some people might think that sounds a little extreme, but when exactly is a child old enough for a parent to say "That's not okay"? Do we just let them work it out until they're six-years-old and think they need to bring a gun to their first grade class because someone took their slinky? Then every one's in an uproar and want to lock up the parents, but when the child was three and wanted the other kid's bike it was "Oh, they'll work it out". We no longer live in a world where working it out comes down to a couple pops on the nose. Isn't it important to teach our children what's right and wrong, if only for their own safety? Yes, I know she's just a baby, but if she can understand enough to convey to me whether she wants juice or milk, she can understand when I say "Find another toy, please". It may be a little harder to sink in, but it's a lesson we've all had to learn.

So here's Joli and Keiya playing nice. They both started out with a cookie but Keiya didn't want hers anymore, and Joli's not one to let any food go to waste, so now she has two.

Here they are discussing another cool toy.

They did really well with sharing cups. Joli was tired of me trying to get her to drink milk and Keiya had juice, so they decided to switch later on.

No more milk, juice please!