When I was pregnant with my daughter I was watching a t.v. show about moms and the things they struggle with. On this particular day there was a woman on who was about seven months pregnant. She had been having complications in her pregnancy and was scheduled to have a c-section the following month. The problem she was having was that she had a two- year-old son who would be staying home with his father for the three days she was going to be in the hospital. Now most people would be thinking at this point "What the problem?". The thing about this family was that the mother did everything. Not just in the way that most mothers do everything, but in the way that the father had never in over two years been alone with his son. So I'm watching as this mom is teaching her husband how to make macaroni and cheese and feed to the child (no child at that age should be being spoon fed, but that's another argument).
Now the whole time I'm watching this I'm thinking, "What is the matter with this woman? She has a perfectly good man around to do things and yet he does nothing!" Of course me being all high and mighty say, "My husband will never be that way, we made this baby together and we're going to take care of her together!"
So at this point I should explain a few things about my husband. My husband is wonderful. He is sweet and caring, and like me, a hopeless romantic. That is when he is physically and mentally here. Now the times when he is out doing training missions I completely understand, because of his job he can't be here all the time. Then he comes home and it is somewhat of an epic battle but eventually he will get off the computer, and spend time with his family. He has his hobbies and his toys, and it is very important for someone with a high stress job to have some time to play. I am very understanding of this.
The problem comes in when he is taking care of the baby. I have always said that I would not be one of those moms that is constantly standing over my husbands shoulder telling him what to do, and I don't. I am really good about putting her in his lap and walking away. But he always finds me! She whines and he doesn't know what to do. She's chewing on her hand so he thinks she must be hungry. "No sweety, she's teething." I say for the fourth time that day. "Well she won't stop fussing." So I explain that he needs to be entertained. "Play with her, and know that watching you play video games is not entertaining at any age!"
So here I am trying to give my husband time with his child, (and me some time to try and remember a song that doesn't have 'Baby Einstein' in the title). I'm trying to let him do things his way; and I feel like I have to teach him everything. I understand he hasn't been around a lot of babies, but not a lot of first time parents have. Just because I've spent the greater majority of my life taking care of babies does not mean that I'm doing it the "right" way, I'm just doing it my way. I mean I get called into the bathroom while he's changing a diaper, now granted this can be tricky, but he taught me how to put on a clothe diaper!
I am holding on to severe hope that it will get better as she gets older, and that I will not always be the one doing the "Stop Your Tears" song and dance. For now I will just put on a smile and say again, "You have to play with her, hunny."
5 comments:
Welcome to Blogging!!
LOLOL! I'm laughing only because my brother used to call me to come over every time my sister in law left him with the baby -- she's crying, her diaper's dirty...it was kind of funny, but he finally "got" it and is a great hands-on dad. She's now 5 and she does a lot more with him than mom would like--Like hanging out at the job site and climbing ladders and such, but they're two peas in a pod.
Hi, Lisa. Leslie here. Sure, you don't know me. I'm a friend of your MIL's. (BTW, she thinks you're wonderful.) She's throwing a party on your blog. I hear there are chocolate dipped strawberries.
Anyway, since a comment that isn't about the actual blog just isn't right, I'll give you some sympathy. My daughter is 32 and I can still remember that feeling of isolation. My DH was great - taught me how to pick her up and diaper her, since he had some experience with baby cousins, and she was the first baby I had ever picked up. BUT he also traveled alot for his job. There were days when I thought I would be singing "Froggy Went A Courting" while pushing a swing forever. And now I can hardly wait for a grandbaby so I can sing "Froggy Went A Courting" to an audience that thinks I sing good.
Nice meeting you!
Leslie, in Hiawatha
You have to leave to get him to deal and he will. It got a lot better after my little one turned 1. He seemed more human (rather than a blob that squealed) after that.
Hey Lisa - congrats on the new blog! Laume asked us to give you some tips. And of course we always do what Laume says... hahaha
1) put a word verification so you don't get a ton of spam.
2) let people other than blogspot members to post
3) add a counter asap, so you have a real count of how many people stop by.
Best of luck!
:-D
Lisa -- one of the best things that i learned in my bradley childbirth class was that mamas and daddys do things differently. let joe know that. he has to find his own way. rob could calm both kids down in ways that i couldn't. and i could do things in ways that he couldn't. but there are times that the mama NEEDS A FLIPPIN' MINUTE!!! *beam*
rob's a wonderful hands on dad - there are definitely times that he needs a nudge about this or that, but i've been greatful for the help. rob had a way of knowing when i was just done - D-U-N Done! when the kids were wee bitty. neither of them ever liked bottles, so that made things difficult too - and believe me, we tried most every kind out there. so much of the time, if the baby was hungry, i *was* the go to gal - but as you said, many times it's just that the baby is fussy - and dads can do that as well as moms.
sorry for the tome.
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