Just So You Know

It has occurred to me that from a distance it may be difficult to understand the severity of the "Morning Sickness" that I am experiencing. Even before I was pregnant this time around, I looked back on my experience with Joli as though it couldn't have been that bad or that I could beat it somehow. Of course now that I'm in the thick of it, all of those memories have come flooding back and I am remembering why it has taken so long for me to want to do it again. As I write this I am hoping to not only help all of you to understand and realize I'm not "faking it" or "being dramatic", but also so that if I ever lose my mind and decide to do this again I will have some sort of diary to look back on.

Last week Kacie found a wonderful article that describes in great detail most of what I've been going through. Even with all the information it is still very lacking in describing how difficult your life can become during such a time. Which is why I have decided to describe what a typical day in my life looks like when I am home by myself and how vastly different it is when there is someone else to help.

Home Alone:

I typically wake between nine and ten depending on how much noise Joli is making. I stumble to the back door and let the dog out and try to make it back to bed without stopping at the toilet. Since Joli is laying next to me watching t.v., I check my emails and then lay with her thinking about the things I would like to eat. I try to only think of things I know we have because it is more realistic, but since I haven't been able to walk into a grocery store in almost five weeks, it's hit or miss. Once I decide on something I then have to muster the energy to go get it, and since I may or may not have eaten in the past 24-48 hours, it is a challenge in itself. As soon as I stand up a vertigo/blackout thing hits, and the swirling motion sends me to the toilet instead of kitchen. Once I am satisfied that there is not a single ounce of stomach left and am able to stand, I try to go to the kitchen. As soon as I open the refrigerator door an array of different scents hit my nostrils which sends me back to the bathroom. That is when I decide it's easier to just get back in bed.

Before too long Joli is hungry and goes to the kitchen and gets some sort of combination of juice box, string cheese, fruit leather, and fruit snacks. She brings it back for me to open and then has a picnic while watching cartoons on my bed. Around one or so I get the idea in my head that if I go out in the living room I won't feel as bad. So I get up very slowly, grab my blanket, stop to let the cats out of the garage, and then go lay on the couch. Less than five minutes later Brody is at the back door whining the come in, that cats have jumped up on the counter and knocked something over, and Joli has climbed up on my dresser and spread lotion all over her body. I get up and yell at the cats while cleaning up their mess, tell Brody sorry, and then ban Joli from my bedroom causing a record breaking tantrum because she "just wants to watch a movie!!!!". I shut the baby gate and then go back to the toilet. While I'm in there Joli continues screaming, but louder so I can hear through the door, and the cats start grabbing my leg under the door.

At this point I decide that I am going to eat something. So I go in the kitchen, plug my nose and look at ONLY what I came for. Once I get it made I have to sit and relax and try to force it down. I usually take a bite and then Joli's in my face complaining that she wants some even though when I make it for her she won't touch it. I give her a little and hope she goes away. She doesn't. I take a few more bites and then between the pressure to force it down and the pressure to share, just end up giving it to Joli. Now when I eat something, it is essential that I sit for while and let it settle. But usually about thirty seconds after I've given Joli the food she either spills it or one of the animals knock it over. So I jump up and yell at the guilty culprit while searching for a towel without getting too close to the kitchen sink. The sudden movement sends me back to the bathroom and this time I have three bites of food to come back up! Now this is where it gets tricky. Seeing the food in the toilet makes it worse, but the spinning water from flushing makes me dizzy and more sick. So it's kind of a lose/lose situation. This is where I close the bathroom door and lay on the floor for awhile.

Now repeat that last part about two more times and that is most of the rest of the day. At this point it is somewhere between eight and nine, and I'm completely exhausted and still have not eaten. So I lock up, put the cats away, bring Brody and Joli in my room, and Joli and I watch t.v. until we fall asleep.

When I Have Help:

I wake up and realize that I'm not home alone so I slowly get up and go sit out on the couch to talk to them. They ask me if I'd like anything, an then go into the kitchen and get whatever it is. I sit and eat what I wanted while this nice person makes Joli something too. I continue to relax while Brody is fed and cared for and Joli is helped into some clothes. Then said person comes and sits with me and we chat about all sorts of things. If I need something they get up and get it for me so I don't have any kind of head spinning problems. This person hangs out and entertains Joli, picks up whatever kind of mess is being created, and is just there in case I need anything. Most of the day is pleasant and before I realize it I've had at least a few meals. When it starts to get late, whoever is helping gives Joli a bath if she needs it and then helps her into her pajamas. It's getting closer to ten at this point and I'm pretty tired so Joli and I go lay down and fall immediately asleep. After a day or two of this pattern, some of my strength is back and we are able to do things like go to the park or to Starbucks. I mostly sit and watch, but I am out of the house and not throwing up!

It is easy for those that see me when I'm out of the house to think that I'm over dramatizing what is actually happening, but for those that come when I've been alone for a few days, they know it's not a joke, and there's a good chance that a day or so more would have put me in the hospital. So far I haven't gone more than 48 hours without food or fluids, but that's usually because Kacie and Chris rescue me before then. They have both helped me with anything that has needed to be done around the house. They've gone grocery shopping for me, and anytime Joli needs to get out of the house Kacie comes and gets her. Right now we are pretty much staying with them so that Joli and I both get fed. Luckily for them it's only for a few days until Joe is home again!! I've also had Laume and Jess stay with me, and that was a huge help as well. Jess felt so bad for me that she cleaned most of the house including my toilet so I wouldn't get even more grossed out when I was throwing up! I am so lucky to have such great family and friends. Now let's just hope that Joe can fill their shoes!